Stealthy Godzilla Round 5: Managing Expectations
- No DLC Team
- Jun 4, 2017
- 3 min read
This week’s stealthy Godzilla certainly wasn’t the strongest with this weeks winner likely to feature somewhere near the middle of the pack when we do a final listing. But it’s always good to have a few duds to allow us to better cherish the occasions when Stealthy Godzilla throws at us a truly awesome game!
A quick reminder of the rules: we are each given a genre of game, a character, a setting and a (PG) Card’s Against Humanity Card and have to pitch/brainstorm whatever game we can make from it and see which is best. So, Without further ado, here are this weeks contenders!
Rob's Game
RED DEAD RAPTOR
Genre: Side Scrolling Fighter
Character: Chris Pratt and his trained Velociraptors
Setting: Wild West
CAH Card: A Disappointing birthday party
Chris Pratt has treated his velociraptor buddies to a trip down to the local saloon in celebration of their birthdays. They’re having a great time drinking, cheering and playing poker with the locals until disaster strikes! They’re caught in the crossfire of a massive shoot out one of the velociraptors can not recover from his wounds. A disappointing birthday party indeed. Pratt and the remaining velociraptors now set out on a grand quest across the west; fuelled by their burning desire for revenge. One by one they will fight, side-scroller style, and kill all who were responsible!
Award: Most incapable of competing in an already saturated genre
Franki’s Game
EDNA MODE AT HOGWARTS
Genre: RPG
Character: Edna Mode
Setting: Hogwarts
CAH Card: A Lifetime of Sadness
Argus Filch has finally retired as caretaker of Hogwarts to settle down and enjoy some more time with Mrs Norris. Taking up the vacant role is Edna Mode (making her second, and final, appearance in Stealthy Godzilla) who has been made redundant by the general lack of superheroes. Upon arriving at Hogwarts she is absolutely horrified by all the cloaks which bare a far too close resemblance to the case she so despises! Edna, therefore, takes on not only her contractual obligation to maintain Hogwarts castle but also her personal responsibility to teach the next generation of wizards the potential hazards and dangers that come with wearing a cloak.
Award: The “least said about it, the better” award for not being very good at all
Adam’s game
FAKE NEWS
Genre: Platformer
Character: Donald Trump
Setting: The Internet
Cards Against Humanity Card: A Rival Dojo
It sucks to be the media in present day America. Lambasted by the White House, many supporters of the President no longer view news sources as legitimate. The fight for the truth is hard, but it shall go on. As a member of the free press, you are taking the fight to the White House – the rival dojo to your dojo of news (let’s see the other games stretch a metaphor to breaking point that quickly). However, with print media slowly shuffling out the window, a new battlefield has emerged in the form of the Internet. You must traverse it in the only way the internet can be traversed: platforming(?)
Real talk here for a second: this surely falls into a somewhat dubious category of Stealthy Godzilla games, wherein the individual pieces sound hilarious, but trying to stitch them together into a game is surprisingly difficult. I think if the genre had been ‘RPG’ or something a little grander then we might have come up with something more interesting. But a platformer? Really?
Award: Stealthy Godzilla’s best miniclip game! Which is to say: it’s still a bit shit.
Junice’s Game
A REY-NY NIGHT IN STOKE
Genre: Simulator
Character: Rey
Setting: A cold, wet, night in Stoke
CAH Card: Vikings
A quite long time ago in a city in Staffordshire, Rey, in ways which will never really be explained, is plopped in the middle of a Viking invasion. What Rey, who has just finished her Jedi training with Luke Skywalker, does from there is completely up to the player. Will she help defend the hopeless locals? Will she stay neutral and see to profit from the conflict? Will she use her powers to convince the Viking horde that she is a Norse God and rule over them? We’re pretty sure everyone would go for the latter but the choice is there if you want it.
Award: The highest entry we have on the best game with worst name scale.
Overall Verdict:
After defeating Kylo Ren with minimal training, it seems Rey is a natural at making video games as well as lightsaber duelling as she waltzes to a comfortable victory in this weeks Stealthy Godzilla. With the right gameplay and mechanics, and a proper name, “A Rey-ny night in Stoke” could actually be released as a full price game whereas its closest challenger, “Fake News” is confined to the realm of miniclip, although it possibly could go viral for a couple of days. The least said about the other two, the better.
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